Saturday, 7 July 2012
Lately, people keep on asking me,
" kenapa kau emo , eyman ? "
" kau nampak macam moody je eyman "
" kenapa dengan muka kau ? Tak pernah nak senyum "
" eyman, kenapa kau dah jarang senyum ? "
" lately aku nampak kau moody je "
etc etc...
I just don't know. Moody ? Since ? Haih , I don't know what to say. Honestly, I am not me since the beginning of the week. And that particular incident made it worse. And what makes it worse is that I am losing the real me in the real life. I have not been me since ever. I just need someone to hear me out but that particular someone is the one who procrastinate it. And I guess, he made it worse when I exaggerated things about him. I just...
OR
Maybe is just that I keep on listening to sad song and it affected my life, literally ? I am now listening to Free by Haley Reinhart and I guess it is a sad but overwhelming song. I just need the real me. I am lost. Terribly.
Am I just doing things for him and for her just to satisfy myself ? Is it ? I just don't know. I feel that I am fucking myself out. Felt like throwing my laptop out of the window. Felt like slapping my own face with my own bare hands. Felt like everything ! I HAVE NO LIFE. I HAVE NO MISSION. I HAVE NO VISION. I HAVE NO OBJECTIVE OF LIVING ANYMORE. I FELT LIKE I AM GOING TO DIE. I felt everything.
I should be gone by now.
i've been fucked by my own self,
Eyman Asyraf Masfazil
what we could have been, 9:50 pm.
