Sunday, 26 February 2012
*here's my mom
Assalamualaikum.
I know , it's not a picture from Tumblr but instead , a picture of my mom. Its nothing actually , I wanted to express what I felt about my mom.
31st May 1996 , I was born , after 9 months being carried by my mom in her placenta , I had finally got out from it. She suffered from everything , that tears from me , when I was a baby made her happy. She cheered joyfully.
As I grew older , everything started to changes. My attitude and all , changed suddenly.
Okay , lets forget what happened at my past.
One day , I got this major broke down , I felt totally DEAD and I just can't do anything , I'm not in the mood to do anything. When I was on my bed before I fell asleep , I suddenly thought of my Mom. What did she do now etc etc. Without knowing anything , I burst into tears.
There's wrinkles on her face. I just can't believe it. She's getting older day by day. Sometimes , I just don't want her to grow older , I want me myself grow older than her and take care of her. I'm not praying or anything but I don't know what will happened if she dies one day. I don't know how my life will be. I am not sure will I still be at here or not. I am crying now. Nobody can replace my mom.
I always told her
" Ibu , Iman tak tahu lah kalau Ibu Iman ni orang lain. Maybe keluarga kita akan jadi huru hara kot "
" Why ? Kenapa Iman cakap macam tu ? "
" Sebab , Ibu sorang je yang faham Iman. Ibu sorang je yang akan pulihkan keadaan sekeliling Iman. Iman tak sanggup nak tengok Ibu pergi daripada hidup Iman. Iman tak nak Ibu pergi sebelum Iman. Kalau boleh , Iman nak Iman pergi dulu sebelum Ibu. Iman tak sanggup tengok Ibu takde dalam hidup Iman. Iman tak nak diri Iman takde Ibu kalau Iman hidup. Iman sayang Ibu. Iman tak sangka yang Iman akan dapat Ibu yang terbaik macam Ibu." I burst into tears.
To Ibu ,
Iman tak sangka , Ibu pandai jaga Iman. Iman tak sangka , walaupun Iman failed dalam Biology , Ibu kata cuba lagi sebab ini hanya permulaan. Ibu sentiasa bagi Iman duit bila Iman minta dan Ibu tak pernah merungut nak bagi duit. Kekadang , Iman rasa malu bila Iman mintak Ibu duit sebab asyik tiap-tiap minggu je Iman mintak. Bila Iman beli Blackberry tanpa pengetahuan Ibu dan akhirnya Ibu tahu juga , Ibu hanya cakap supaya jangan buat lagi je. Ibu kata kalau beli daripada duit yang halal , alhamdulillah , kalau haram , jual balik dan pulangkan duit kepada tuan empunya duit. Iman ingatkan Ibu nak marah.
Tapi , tak sangka , Ibu dah semakin tua. Walaupun umur itu meningkat , tetapi di mata Iman , Ibu tak pernah nampak tua. Ibu tak pernah nampak tua walaupun sekali. Iman tak sangka akhirnya Iman akan tulis post ni kat blog Iman. Dah lama perkara ni berlaku. Iman hanya berdiam diri , sebab Iman tak nak Ibu tahu betapa seksanya hati Iman sekarang ni. Iman tak nak Ibu tahu bahawa Iman sedang menghadapi satu peristiwa yang amat menyakitkan hati. Kekadang , bila Iman luahkan perasaan Iman , Ibu sentiasa berfikiran positif. Tak pernah nak hampakan Iman dengan kata-kata Ibu.
Ibu , Iman janji satu , Iman akan naikkan nama keluarga , agama , sekolah dan negara. Dan apa yang Iman dah janji dengan ayah , insyaallah , Iman akan tunaikan kat Ibu juga. Insyaallah. Dan terima kasih untuk 26 April 2012 , lawatan Umrah ke Mekah. Iman tak sangka Iman akan pergi dengan Ibu dan Ayah. Walaupun muka tampak muram namun hati amat gembira....
I Love You Ibu,
Eyman Asyraf
what we could have been, 2:25 am.
